You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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