do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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