Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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