both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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