when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
