my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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