need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
