i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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