I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
