Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
