i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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