i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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