tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
