hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
