Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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