You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
