I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
