Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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