It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
