guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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