hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
