That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
