i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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