You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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