This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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