I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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