sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
