i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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