HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
