just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
