I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
