My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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