i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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