Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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