***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
