I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize