How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize