You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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