So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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