Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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