Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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