If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
