Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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