Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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