Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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