just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
