I've blown a few things in my day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
