You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
