i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
