i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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