I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
