I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
