You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
