i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
