He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
