So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
