You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
