im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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