you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize