Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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