got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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