the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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