Quick, to the slutcave!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize