My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
