i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
