Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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