I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
