Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
