Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
