What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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