Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
