the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
