All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
