It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
