the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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