You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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