i already hear my dad disowning me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
