She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
