there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
