So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
