Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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