my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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